Wisdom

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Yesterday and last night I was feeling very low. I’ve been so frustrated with our daughter I’m literally beside myself. Even mentioning her in passing, to a stranger, as I did this morning, is apt to bring tears to my eyes. She is perhaps the real rebellious angel, not me. Although Master and I have given, offered, and done all we could for her, she is no more than a spoiled brat unwilling to accept any responsibility for her life and move forward with school, work,  or education. We’ve had to give her an ultimatum to find a job by a given date or we will take her car and she must move out of our house. This is tearing me up inside. I don’t recognize the smart beautiful loving and giving girl I raised. And she is so brilliant.

I know we have her best interests in our hearts. But I feel like a failure as a parent. I want to scream at her and rattle her brain and tell her to wake up, in fact, have done some yelling – but it has not affected her. On top of this is the stress of my own inadequacy as Master’s good submissive. One blogging friend had the best advice: stay strong, forget the past and move forward. Although sometimes I want to be Sir’s good little girl, I am in fact a grown woman, just as I want our girl to grow up and be a strong powerful woman. It’s time for me to pull up my pants and realize I can be whoever and whatever I want. My past does not define me – I make my own future. And if I want a lifetime of happiness with my beloved, I need to stop pouting, be loving, and in turn I will be loved. That was part of St. Francis of Assisi and then the blessed Saint Mother Teresa’s message:

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While I am unconcerned with eternal life, and am not even Catholic (or even Christian) I have always loved the simple truth conveyed in this beautiful heartfelt prayer. Somewhere I have it on a card I found in a book (hoping it’s in my bedside table drawer) and I am going to say this prayer morning and night. I DO believe these words. And in the wise words of a friendly bunny!

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8 thoughts on “Wisdom

  1. Children can be both our greatest joy and deepest sorrow, but don’t allow their growing pains to cloud your judgement and self worth! The fact that you are still engaged and still trying makes you a great parent …. unfortunately there is no book of secrets here either!
    I have found with my own children, as with anyone in life really, that they don’t take on responsibility until there is no other option. Don’t feel bad for making her responsible for her own life, ultimately that is our greatest job/accomplishment as parents! IMO 🙂
    Hang in there!!! **hugs**

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  2. We have had challenges with our oldest. I know how difficult it is to not rethink every word or action you have said or done in the past. Unfortunately and fortunately the past is behind you. Who is to say that if you did or didn’t do the EXACT same thing with another child as you did with your daughter, they would have turned out the same. At some point people have to take responsibilities for their decisions, and as soon as you really believe that she is where she is currently because of her own choices, not how you treated her in the past, you will be stronger for it. Trust me.

    Ttwd has benefited us personally as parents, because we have been able to see ourselves in our children. When our son expresses anger for example, we now recognize it is actually fear, and he is suppressing that or disappointment. Given that knowledge we have been able to help him through it more quickly and help him with the real ‘issue’ he is having.

    I hope your daughter does decide to embrace life in a real sense as opposed to going through the motions, which is what I think of when I see a person who appears spoiled.I will tell you this, it has been my personal experience that who you see right now is not necessarily who she will always be.

    willie

    PS, I know all about the feeling of , wishing they would move out…and sometimes the guilt that comes with that feeling~ lol

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    • Thank you for your generous words of support, which really resonated within me. I have not thought of her behavior as fear precisely as you express it – but it is that, exactly! She has always, always been afraid to succeed going way back to preschool and elementary days. I remember her being afraid to walk across the stage to get her kindergarten diploma, and do her little dance routine, and go further in gymnastics even though she had the perfect tiny body for it and her coach wanted her to, etc… Master and I would sit and talk with her calmly and gently try to get her to talk about her fears but she could never open up. We should have had her in counseling back then I suppose. But Master (even being a doctor) refused not thinking it was serious and that she would grow out of it! Plus he was away from home so much working crazy hours. I am disappointed her life has turned out this way but hope and pray she will figure it out. I too was fearful as a child but eventually got the courage to do things on my own and went to college, got a good job, etc. That’s all I want for her is success and happiness.

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      • I understand completely! One of our sons is very similar, his lack of trying is due to fear. Instead of trying and failing potentially, he decides to ‘control’ his failure by not attempting it~ if that makes sense? As adults with many years under our belts we know that life boils down to two choices, not try and be guaranteed to stay where we are, or try, and potentially fail, ending back where we were, or actually moving ahead an inch or so. I think for them not having had to take many risks, makes the fearful more fearing. The best thing we have been able to do for him is to encourage him, and gently push him, but always letting him know we are here for him no matter what. In a counselling session he actually told the doctor his greatest fear was ” he was going to be homeless’ some day. I was shocked. So ‘or you’ll have to move out’ was removed from our conversations. But every child is different. Some thrive on the pressure of that, ours panicked into a shell of immobility.

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      • Our daughter spends most of her time with her friends, away from our house. She has gone from loser boyfriend to loser boyfriend – all of them into pot and drugs. The latest one is a drug dealer, mainly pot, and has no other source of income. He has told her frankly he has no interest in marriage or children or working an honest job. She knows she is better than this and could have any guy she chooses (she is as beautiful as any model) but I guess is lazy and content and feels unworthy of anything better. She’s nearly 20 and I’ve told her she must do something if she wants to live here and I mean live, not use our home as a hotel to sleep or eat at on occasion and do her laundry. It’s rude. She refuses to acknowledge she is using us. We will see what the next few weeks bring; her deadline is mid-October. I wish you much love and all the best with your son. Parenthood is such a perilous journey.

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