Yesterday and last night I was feeling very low. I’ve been so frustrated with our daughter I’m literally beside myself. Even mentioning her in passing, to a stranger, as I did this morning, is apt to bring tears to my eyes. She is perhaps the real rebellious angel, not me. Although Master and I have given, offered, and done all we could for her, she is no more than a spoiled brat unwilling to accept any responsibility for her life and move forward with school, work, or education. We’ve had to give her an ultimatum to find a job by a given date or we will take her car and she must move out of our house. This is tearing me up inside. I don’t recognize the smart beautiful loving and giving girl I raised. And she is so brilliant.
I know we have her best interests in our hearts. But I feel like a failure as a parent. I want to scream at her and rattle her brain and tell her to wake up, in fact, have done some yelling – but it has not affected her. On top of this is the stress of my own inadequacy as Master’s good submissive. One blogging friend had the best advice: stay strong, forget the past and move forward. Although sometimes I want to be Sir’s good little girl, I am in fact a grown woman, just as I want our girl to grow up and be a strong powerful woman. It’s time for me to pull up my pants and realize I can be whoever and whatever I want. My past does not define me – I make my own future. And if I want a lifetime of happiness with my beloved, I need to stop pouting, be loving, and in turn I will be loved. That was part of St. Francis of Assisi and then the blessed Saint Mother Teresa’s message:
While I am unconcerned with eternal life, and am not even Catholic (or even Christian) I have always loved the simple truth conveyed in this beautiful heartfelt prayer. Somewhere I have it on a card I found in a book (hoping it’s in my bedside table drawer) and I am going to say this prayer morning and night. I DO believe these words. And in the wise words of a friendly bunny!