Way back before I even knew what sex really was, let alone D/s, I made up a fantasy world I would “escape” to when I was feeling low, upset, or out of sorts. I guess it was similar to having an imaginary friend, except this was an entire land with characters and a story line. You see, like many young women, from childhood on, I never thought of myself as pretty or desirable. Oh, I wasn’t fat or heinous looking. But when everyone else had beautiful long hair parted down the middle, mine was still short and awkward-looking. I’d had three eye surgeries as a young girl to correct cross-eyes, and my eyes never did look normal until much later in life when a surgeon finally corrected the lax muscles.
I wasn’t athletic nor did I enjoy sports. I was very good in school and enjoyed reading, which I did constantly. I was very much a home-body and didn’t have many friends. I considered most kids silly. And so they didn’t really like me either. I did have (and still do to this day) one bff I met in third grade and we immediately knew we were kindred spirits. I think much of my behavior had to do with dysfunction at home and the fact my father was a career Air Force officer and we moved a great deal when I was young. I believe I became afraid of making friends; that I might lose them. It’s fascinating what repeated trauma does to a young child (she says analytically.)
…It was a silver world, where women were royalty, and I was but a common, callous slave. There was little darkness, the daytime hours being much longer than ours. Therefore night became a very precious thing. I remember in this world, which I knew not the name of, being too low to be given the honor of knowing it, I was whipped regularly for minor infractions. (Remember, this was well before I knew I was submissive, which really strikes me now.)
The women, especially the Queens (and there were many of varying levels of rank, were the most incredibly beautiful things I’d ever seen. Not icy cruel-cold as Tilda Swinton as Jadis in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe film, but very similar, and silver, not white, of course!
I had all types of menial, boring, tedious tasks set to me. Now I can’t even remember what my brain dreamed up. Most of this I imagined in middle and high school when I was bored out of my mind, but now and then, a gleam of silver – such as the chrome on a shiny bus or car, would draw my attention, and I would hear the Queens calling me. No, I’m not nor have I ever been schizophrenic, but it was such an outlet for an imaginative, bored, maybe depressed child.
Sometimes I miss it. Which is why I turned to writing. You’d think I write fantasy or sci-fi, but honestly, the genre has been so totally overdone that I’m no longer interested in it. Now I have my own world with a house and Master to occupy my time. I have three dogs and a grown girl to think/worry about. When I have spare time, I have my writing. All in all, real life has become much more entertaining than that gleaming silver world. That’s not to say I don’t miss it! It’s strange too, sometimes a crumpled bit of foil or a flash in the mirror catches my eye, and I can hear one of the Queens faintly calling my silver world name…