The Master Speaks

He’s annoyed with me and my lack of submission. What else is new under the sun? I’m annoyed with his lack of Dominance. He tortured me the other day and it wasn’t pleasant; probably not even for him. Then he spoke at length about the ten ways in which I misbehave which he had asked me to write down a few weeks ago. He noted while I sometimes do obey and am mindful of my submissive behavior better since that little exercise, nothing’s really changed. He wants me to call him Sir or Master and I don’t I guess, because my heart is just not in it…

I wonder why? His dominant actions have not changed either. He went on to say he doesn’t know where to begin with me. He says I’ve told him to give me tasks and that I like pain and humiliation, but he doesn’t know what to do with this information.

SIGH……

I’ve purchased many many books for him/us to read about this lifestyle. I have read them. I’ve delved into the subject online and met many wonderful generous folk who have offered to chat with him and give words of encouragement. I/we have bought toys of all sorts and enjoy using them. The sex itself is no issue. When I told him I wanted this type of lifestyle several years ago (that I had in fact craved this most of my life) he was all for it. He gets very excited when we read tales of other real couples’ journeys. He wonders why I am unable to be more submissive. We’ve done couples’ counseling for several years.

I told him I did not want a Master/slave relationship, and in retrospect, perhaps we moved too quickly in our fervor and excitement. He bought me two different collars, one of which I wore 24/7 for a few years. But it felt wrong to me, because in fact I was not “really” his submissive any more than he is my dominant. I asked him to remove it, and he did. He has never been what one might consider a romantic nor creative man, and it could be said that those traits are key to being a decent dominant. After all, a good dominant must craft a scene and provide loving after-care. He has never done so. His “scenes” if you choose to call them that, are ALWAYS centered around sex, and the after care is limited to a quick wipe-off with a towel.

(His latest craze, which he’s been hung up on for a couple of years, is searching for a suitable cage to lock me in. The idea of this really does not bother me aside from the fact neither of us are youngsters anymore, and what if something should befall him while I’m locked in it? How would I then get out?)

Now he wants me to write again about precisely what I want in this D/s relationship. Do I want to be humiliated and if so, how?  Do I want him to spank me, and if so, with what and when?

{Big sigh again…} Am I protesting too much to say, “enough?” Why am I the one doing all the work to make this work? Am I in fact the one doing all the work, or does it just seem so? Is he just really not capable of being dominant?

How do you know when it’s time to say, maybe we should stop trying so hard and go back to just being “us” but with a slightly kinky side?

Advertisements

Ideas and thoughts

think

I so enjoy what other bloggers write. They inspire me and often bring to mind half-remembered ideas, memories, and dreams. Someone wrote about a Dominant friend who treats his wife and other submissives in a way which her (the blogger’s) readers find thought provoking. Some readers are disgusted by this man and his actions while others are perhaps intrigued and maybe stimulated?

As for me, I am rarely put off by the actions of others. To each his (or her) own. What everyone does in the privacy of their home is their own business. There is little I find disgusting. In fact… some of you might be disgusted by what I’m about to write.

I’ve often toyed (in my mind) with the idea of Sir having another woman. He honestly is so into sex – so much more than I am, that it would not bother me if he were to find someone nice and clean with whom he could engage in a sexual (only) relationship. As for me, in many aspects, Sir does not provide me with what I myself desire. When I asked him for a D/s relationship, I told him I wanted it based on control, pain, and humiliation. Sir is not into giving pain, at least rarely, and while he does enjoy a sense of control over me, it is solely based on control in a sexual way.

When this blogger writes about the things this man does to the women under his control, it takes my breath away that a dominant actually desires to spend so much time and dedication with and to his submissives. That is what I crave. I know I am lucky and I know Sir loves me as I do Him. He is a wonderful generous man. Why do I want more, then?